I don’t believe in an interventionist rabbi

My grandmother once told me that life is very long, and that I should prepare myself for the intensity of a prolonged battle.

I feel that my life has been very short, rather, that it has slipped away from me. That I have never really been bound to time and that I have suffered for that. Something in me could not connect to the regularity of the passage of time as played out in other people’s lives.

Perhaps dragging myself out of the ditch I grew up in took so very much of my self-belief and love that there is none left for the second chapter.

Only he who stands at the end and looks back really knows. But he would never reveal any useful tips to me, as it is not in his nature.