The fast

February 27, 2021 § Leave a comment

You have nothing to look forward to
And nothing to regret.

In a way you have never been so free.

Exile is within

February 21, 2021 § 10 Comments

They don’t understand.

Exile is within.

You can pray every day, but ultimately it will lead to nothing.

Don’t pray other people’s prayers. Speak to yourself. Ask your soul what it needs in this lifetime.

Feed it with books and knowledge and the beautiful creations of other self-conscious people.

If G-d heeds you, and you believe in a higher authority, use that to purify your thoughts and actions.

Stop asking for temples and redeemers, my loves.

Take care of your soul, in the correct and conscious way.

Start the work now, so that you will be reunited with yourself in this lifetime.

The exile within is waiting for you to become aware of it.

So become.


February 21, 2021 § 7 Comments

There is no doubt about it.

Justice is a dish best served cold.

The illusion of the presence of justice keeps society functioning- just.

How can society be at ease if justice and vengeance are considered seperate processes, one socially licensed, the other halachically forbidden?

Most people you meet have grand discourses, but they are just projecting. It helps them live with a vacuum of justice in a holy land.


February 20, 2021 § Leave a comment

You think they are harmless, but every time you let them in, they begin to take over again.

Remember you are the origin. They serve you; you do not serve them.

Zakhor V

February 20, 2021 § Leave a comment

There are two dominant sensations that characterize my life.

One is that I am a little ball of pain, unfurled, curled up, with arms and legs.

The other is that I am a thief in my own body; a lost soul occupying the physical life of another person.

I believe two events have made their mark, and brought me to two such extreme experiences.

Whomever thought of a child with arthritis, with such unfounded pain? Whoever indeed could believe in an interventionist G-d, when brought into the world in such a condition?

From pain to painkillers. From emotional agony to deep-seated, swallowed silence. If you stay quiet long enough, you might get out. Keep your head down, and your lips from moving. Survival is the only objective programmed into the human consciousness. Deep down you know this, but try to live beyond.

When you begin to read, you learn that all swallowed traumas result in physical illness down the generations. Trauma should be taken out, and shaken out, and spat upon, not nurtured within.

Is it too late, you ask yourself, or is the memory stamped upon a thousand generations?

Remember no one wins.

Zakhor IV

February 20, 2021 § Leave a comment

With what material

Shall I fill the gaps in my soul?

There is an empty wasteland in my heart that I like to call ‘myself’.

Should I ever have answers to all of my questions, I would kneel down right here and say your name.

You who are unspoken-
You who are silent.

Home II

February 12, 2021 § 1 Comment

There are certain sights the mind’s eye does not forget;

My memory, steeped in your greenery, follows me like a hungry ghost.

The ring hill, owls on a Midsummer night, the barn under fireworks, the diesel thieves and strawberry thieves and plumtree thieves, and the men who set the house across the road on fire.

I cannot forget my home, nor the man who brought us all into being, with one breath. The man who lent Grandpa a shelf of gold, whose century-old mattress steeped in loneliness and dust, had sewn his inheritance into the walls of his house.

What chutzpah we had to be ourselves, to be born in the midst of darkness and donkeys and their herds.

I long for the sweet summer air, heavy with dew and fruit, and the wind carrying pine needles and cones across the forests.

I long for the land of home with my eyes, my heart; I yearn for the cries of animals fleeing each other and the night. I yearn for my grandparents, I yearn for my gut, I yearn for another time.

A world long expired.

Not worthy of titles

February 4, 2021 § Leave a comment

We are all merely the wounds
Out of whom subsequent generations will come

Don’t go thinking you are anything more than a walking collection of cells, my brain tells me.

An Honest Peek

February 4, 2021 § 3 Comments

I lost myself inside my Judaism.

Despite being the only woman left on earth, I was impossible to find.

At the height of my madness, I was everything and nothing to myself.

Although I have come down from the mountain, a seed of madness remains.

Never to teach, never to learn, merely to carry my secrets;

My small, discreet, silent secrets.

Where Am I?

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