Trauma

August 31, 2020 § Leave a comment

Some day I will tell the world what you did to me;

How you did it to me;

What that did to me.

Not today, but some day.

Know that some day you will face yourself,

And you will face what you did to me.

Hope

August 26, 2020 § Leave a comment

Perhaps G-d has never been lost here, can never be lost here,

between the cries of ganim and drilling builders of Jerusalem.

Perhaps G-d is only hiding, and after all, this has only been a game.

Netz

August 24, 2020 § Leave a comment

My faith has been tested.

Not my belief, but my faith and trust.

I am in a forest of shadows waiting for the first light of netz.

In no particular order

August 21, 2020 § Leave a comment

A list of things that have touched my soul:

Antonio Vivaldi’s l’Inverno

Moshe Rabbenu’s dvarim

Tennyson’s Lady of Shallot

A dream I had in which I was suddenly free from a great weight which had been pressing down on me, and curtailing my creativity.

For all creativity, especially that which touches the soul, is the expression of love for the divine creator.

Menuha

August 18, 2020 § Leave a comment

I am laying you to rest

Because there is so much life in me

And it quivers to be free,

To be let out-

To breathe.

The settlement

August 17, 2020 § Leave a comment

What does it mean that your ketoubah

Was sold for two thousand dollars and ordered for two thousand shekels?

Is this the price for separation, or peace?

Those birds and butterflies have never looked more alive than on this parchment, but the words of your mouth are the dead, dry fuel for a fire of lies.

Ahava

August 15, 2020 § Leave a comment

With love I lived, and with apples
froze the hearts of those who ventured near
into a cinnamon dream.
The children crouching over hot cholent
apologized for their appearance.
Because I had no way with words,
I said it with my saucepans.

Erev RC Ellul

August 15, 2020 § Leave a comment

It was a beautiful life before it became ugly.
Before the dark turned the hedgerows into threatening tall shomrim,
before the dark turned the trees into angry-eyed dayanim-
It was a beautiful life.
When the street turned black for davening-
before, it was a beautiful life.

The one thing you had to learn by yourself
was the one thing that could not be learned.
The human soul does not appreciate being returned to animal ways
and it will punish you forever for your crimes against its innate civility.

With this great burden, and these small crimes, we make beautiful lives.

War II

August 6, 2020 § Leave a comment

The heart is deceitful above all things.

My lover is programming your husband’s death in Darraya.

Civic duty, once a year.

My duty is to know you exist, to know what is coming, and to wash his hands of your husband’s blood-

Netilat yedayim.

All the prophets in the world

Could not have seen my quiet throne

Rise in a city of lost souls.

There are windows of healing and windows of pain; the latter rule

Like kings.

And G-d is lost here like a child between aisles, crying for anything familiar.

There are wounds that cannot be healed, because they are so deep that if you screamed into them, you may hear your voice coming back, all the way back, from behind you.

All the wounds we have etched into these deserts, across the thirsty continent;

Aren’t they blood enough?

Fear

August 3, 2020 § Leave a comment

Sometimes I am falling at a rapid pace into a dark tunnel.

I lash out with my hands, trying to grasp anything, anyone that will save me.

I have been falling for decades, for a lifetime.

I dread coming to the end of the fall, but anything, anything other than this.

Where Am I?

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